If you believe the statistics, 1 in 5 babies have colic but, when you’re up in the middle of the night with your screaming, miserable baby, it feels like you’re the only one. At other times though it seems like everyone has had a baby who’s suffered with it.

So today I thought it might be interesting to run a little, informal poll to see how the stats add up to Bad Mummy readers.

Don’t forget to add your story to the comments!

Dear Abi,
Your second month of life has been a trying one. You’ve contracted the dreaded colic and tried to kill your father and I by crying non-stop. If you’re not being held you’re crying–no, rocking you in the pram or swing will not do and a nice long walk will only help while we’re walking, so says many midnight laps of the neighbourhood.

Unfortunately, and very disappointingly for me, all this crying has meant very few decent (ie not taken with my phone) photos of you because, dude I totally only have two hands!

On the bright side, you’ve begun to do many things this month–a few things I hadn’t expected for a while yet. Firstly you’ve started to smile which is my favorite thing in the whole wide world, it even makes the frustration at not being able to do anything because of your need to be held a little easier to bear.

You’ve started holding your head up this month. It’s quite bizarre to see because you’re still tiny (4kg/8lbs 12oz) and you only have a spindly little neck, but oh so cute for all the same reasons.

Last week your daddy sat you up for the first time and seems you’ve got a taste for it. Not only do you have to be held 24/7 you’d also like a good portion of that time to be spent sitting instead of laying.

You’re big sister is definitely feeling the pinch of your neediness. Many-a-time, after she’s tried to kiss you or hold your hand and you’ve returned her affection by crying at the restriction, she’s been heard to say “she doesn’t like me”. “Of course she likes you!” I say in reply “she’s just…busy doing her own thing”. I think she’d really expected you to come out ready to run around in the back yard chasing the ball with her, she’ll be pleased in a few short months when you’re ready to crawl.

We’re headed off to the shops this morning in a last ditch effort to help you. We’re off to buy Infant Gaviscon in case the issue is reflux. I’m not entirely hopeful. In fact, a big part of me is hoping it does help because that means you haven’t been in pain these past few weeks, on the other hand, if it is reflux and the Gaviscon does help at least you’ll get some relief from whatever ails you and we’ll get a break from the crying.

Love,
Mama.

Colic has been the bane of my existence over the past couple of weeks–though it seems like longer. The wind pain and the screaming has, in a very literal sense, been driving me mad. To the point that I’ve doubted my parenting ability and really become concerned about my actual sanity. Things were especially bad in the middle of the night when I hated every single person in the world who was sleeping while I was walking laps around the neighbourhood knowing that the moment I stopped Abi would wake up and start crying again.

I don’t have any answers to colic, it seems that no one does. The following is a list of things that have helped us with either the symptoms or in the way we’ve coped.

• While Abi enjoyed the flavor, Brauer’s Colic relief did nothing to help with the actual symptoms or causes of her colic.
• Infant’s Friend provided some relief. After a dose, even though she’s continued to be clingy and still cried it was no where near as furious as it had been without it. Better still, I was able to put her down for very short periods (5 – 10 minutes).
• Infacol has been the biggest help. Before using Infacol burping Abi after a feed would take up to and over thirty minutes–often she wouldn’t burp at all. Since beginning to use it she burps fairly quickly after most feeds, sometimes without any help at all. It’s also helped turn her poo from a nasty green, spinachy looking affair to the regular colour of baby poo. Because of this she’s not farting as much and doesn’t have as much wind pain. This has meant that I’ve been able to calm her and lay her in her swing for a sleep which is seriously saving my sanity.
• Chiropractor – I’ll have to get back to you on this one.

There are a lot of over the counter remedies for colic. Not all of them work for all people but by an large most of them work for someone. Basically it’s trial and error which may, unfortunately, cost you but if you find something that works it may be worth it.

When things have been bad there are still one or two things that I’ve been able to do that have given us temporary relief.

• Babywearing – being attached to a baby all the time can be incredibly frustrating but at least using a carrier allows you to get up and do something even if that something is more difficult to get done.
• Outdoors – when she’s inconsolable for no reason a little trip outside often quietened her down for up to half an hour. She seems to enjoy watching the birds in the trees out the back at least as much as a walk, plus taking Abi outside also had the added benefit of allowing me to peg out washing or play a quick game of soccer with Erin who’s seriously missing the attention she used to get.
• Nappy off time – this is something we do almost every afternoon at around 3. She’s quite keen to kick her little legs around sans nappy.
• One thing that I’ve really come to depend on during the long feeds or walks is my iphone. With it I can read news articles, other blogs, use Twitter, play games and watch TV or movies. I’m even writing this post on it right now.
• Edited to add Tonight in desperation I searched the itunes app store and found a white noise machine. Once I selected a sound that worked (heavy rain) not only did Abi stay quiet, but she quietened from crying and went to sleep! I have no guarantee that this will work long term or even ever again, but for now a quiet baby on just this one night is enough and I’ll keep my fingers crossed for more quietness.

Other than hearing my baby girl screaming from wind pain or because of nothing at all, the worst part colic has been my complete inability to get anything done. I came home from hospital feeling better and more motivated then I had in almost a year, but I was still unable to get off the lounge, at first because of the cesarean and then because Abi needed constant holding. My house is a pigsty, my eldest daughter seems to feel abandoned and I’m exhausted, but there’s nothing anyone can do about it. The above things has made life a little more bearable and, I hope, comfortable for Abi.

If your baby (and you) suffered from colic what, if anything, did you find to help?

If you’d like to breastfeed while laying down but can’t because your boobs disappear around the back somewhere when you try. Grab a towel and use it under your arm to help prop yourself up.

She doesn’t sleep much at the moment. Not much during the day and certainly not much at night. For a while there I was averaging two hours sleep a night in one hour segments. The night I got four hours of unbroken sleep I woke up feeling like a new person, so much so that when I got up–at half past four–I cleaned the kitchen and baked bread.

It’s not just this that’s making me tired. Not only does she not sleep, any sleep she does get must be in my arms be that day or night, if she’s not being held she doesn’t sleep. Actually, if she’s not being held she screams.

The first two weeks were great. Granted, she didn’t sleep in her bassinet and she ate a lot, but at least I could pee by myself. Okay so that’s not true, allow me to rephrase: if I could escape Erin I could pee by myself. Showers are not dissimilar to coordinated military assaults. If I’d like to shower by myself that’s fine, but first I have to change and feed the baby and also rope someone in as a substitute mother for maybe ten minutes. I don’t remember the last time I washed my hair and I sure as hell haven’t had a spare moment to dye it so as a result I look about one hundred years old, which is fine because that’s about as old as I feel.

The worst of it is that, even though the GP (doctor) said they don’t just diagnose colic anymore, that’s essentially what she did. She listened to Abi’s symptoms, palpated her tummy, wrote us a script for Infacol and sent us on our way to wait out and undefined amount of time while going quietly insane.

Our port of last hope comes tomorrow afternoon. We have an appointment with a chiropractor. Wish us luck.

Before Abi was born I scoured the internet looking for lists of what I needed to buy before her birth. Some lists were quite extensive and included things that could only be called luxuries. In the end we bought her the basics and figured whatever else we ended up needing we could pick up in the weeks after she arrived.

The following is a list of things we’ve found useful, though not the “well duh” stuff–clothes and blankets are fairly obvious don’t you think?

• Cloth nappies – during the newborn phase we’re use flat nappies. Big terry toweling squares bought from Big W and prefolds bought online. As Abi gets older and becomes mobile we’ll invest in some “one size fits most” pocket nappies. These are nappies designed to fit your child from shortly after birth (in most cases) until they’re toilet trained.
• Ring sling – we don’t use this all the time, especially not when we’d have to take a pram for our big girl anyway, but a sling or carrier of some kind is something we couldn’t do without. There’s nothing worse than knowing dinner time is coming up but being unable to do anything about it because your newborn has hit one of their (many) fussy periods and wont let you put them down. Carriers are also great for navigating public transport or when you’d rather not have to lug a pram.
• Swing – unless you’re lucky enough to have someone to hand your newborn off to when you need to go to the loo or cook the a fore mentioned dinner you might find a swing useful. This is something that we’ve taken to using almost every day so we can spend an hour doing something other than patting the tiny bum of a small woman who believes sleep is a sign of weakness.
• Nappy rash cream – particularly if your baby has sensitive skin you’re going to want a good nappy rash cream. We find Sudocream to be the best, but there are plenty of brands and different types to try.
• DVDs – this one might seem a little odd, but if your newborn isn’t also your firstborn you’re going to need something to entertain your older child(ren).
• Washable nursing pads – even once your milk has settled down, chances are you’re going to have random let downs. There’s nothing wrong with disposable nursing pads, I personally find them a little expensive and prefer not be throwing at least one pair away each day and there are many great work at home mums who make really beautiful pads.

As you can see, it’s not an incredibly extensive list and perhaps at least one of the things above is more of a “nice to have” sanity saver, but believe it or not you really don’t need to have a lot to have a happy newborn.

As with all things, I’m sure that your “must have” list differs from mine. I’d love to hear what things you couldn’t have lived without in the first few weeks or your child’s life, even if other people would call some of them luxury items.

Dear Abi,
Today you’re a month old. A whole month, and what a month it has been. As a newborn your honor bound to do three things: eat, sleep and poop. The first and third things you do with a vengeance. I’m sitting across the room from you and I just heard a fart that could have come from a grown man, well maybe not quite, but it was definitely large and in charge.

As far as eating goes, the one word that springs to mind in that regard is “constant”. Without a word of a lie, in the past week you have fed nearly the entire day taking a three or four hour break at night to recharge your batteries so you can do the same thing the next day. As much as I love you and hear that it’s totally normal DUDE this totally needs to stop! Some of us might actually enjoy a toilet break without the wails of a newborn who thinks she may or may not be starving to death despite having been fed just seconds earlier. Because of this you’ve earned yourself the affectionate nickname, Abiwail. When telling this to someone verbally it is very important that we clarify that this is not a reference to the giant sea dwelling mammal, but rather we call you this because you do.

You aren’t really doing anything yet but you do seem very keen to keep your deep blue eyes on things. Even if this means stretching out your long neck, meerkat style, to follow anyone making noise around the room. You’re also learning rather quickly, how to hold your head up during tummy time.

Having you home has been an interesting learning experience for your daddy and I. Having a child who’s not only interested in eating but actively seeks it out isn’t something we’re used to.

Speaking of your sister, she is absolutely in love with you. Every squeak or squawk you make is closely monitored by her after she announces “I better go look”. If you should cry Erin believes all you need is some “Erin love” and you’ll be right. Sometimes she’s even correct. I can’t wait for you to become interested in toys and playing, I think Erin, who calls you “My baby” is quite keen for it too.

For my part, I’m really hoping that the constant need to feed lessens over the next month because that combined with existing on three maybe four hours of sleep a night is starting to make me crazy.

Love,
Mama.

Erin was 15 months old when I was diagnosed with post natal depression. The diagnosis came at the height of her feeding problems and when the tube feeding wasn’t going as well as we’d been told to expect. In hindsight it’s more than likely that I’d had PND all along but was so busy simply coping that I didn’t have time to acknowledge the more subtle signs so it wasn’t until I found myself laying on the lounge unable to get up that I realized I had a real problem.

Abigail at three weeks old

With Abi things are different. Lately I’ve found myself feeling, what I can best describe as “flat” with periods of weepiness, often for the littlest of reasons. Maybe I’d planned to have a shower so I’d fed, swaddled and patted Abi accordingly only to have her howl the moment the water goes on like cleanliness is an affront to both man and nature. Then there’s less little reasons, like the days when it’s gotten to 2am and all I’ve done, literally, is feed and pat the baby. Or else the seemingly frequent occasion when Abi’s howling because she’s a newborn and Erin’s crying right along with her for reasons best known to herself.

I’m sure these are all things well known to any parent, but to me…well I wasn’t expecting colic. Perhaps I’d fantasied a little too much about what it’d be like to bring home a full term newborn and crying all day and all night was not part of it.

To be honest I’m not sure this is post natal depression. Maybe it’s just the blahs or lack of sleep. Time will tell I guess.

For some reason this has been hard to write. All I want to do is write a short post welcoming my special, second daughter to the world, I have no idea why the words wont come.

Born on Tuesday 22 June 2010 at 9:26am via ‘elective’ cesarean Abigail Clara was born weighing 2870grams/6lbs 5oz. She’s tiny and perfect and looks just like her dad.

The single worst dream I ever had, I had while pregnant. It was during the phase of incredibly vivid, gory dreams that would wake me up cold and for the rest of the night. This one thing though, this one takes the cake. It’s not a particularly long or intricate dream, but one that shows I really do have an open window into my own psyche and know that, while visions of torture and rape may keep me up at night there’s one thing that goes beyond that and can bring me to tears even months after. I think you’ll agree.

I dreamed that night that Erin had died but, for whatever reason, we’d been given one more day with her to say goodbye so we took her kite flying at Nudgee Beach and had a wonderful day. At the end though, I was standing with her on the mud as the tide had gone out, squatting down to talk to her on her level. My brother came up behind me and said “Isn’t she getting cold?”

That one little sentence woke up me crying and unable to go to sleep. It still brings me to tears every time I think of it. That one line from one little dream that probably lasted less than a second made me afraid to go to sleep in case I had another just like it.

This is a deep dark fear in most mothers hearts I think. For me it’s not an abstract thought. I’ve seen other families go through it first hand and been genuinely broken hearted for them. Since Erin’s birth I no longer get to live in the world where loosing a child is something that happens to other people on television or bloggers over the other side of the world. In my world it’s something that happens to people just like me, to friends and family even and very, very almost to me.

It’s why I’ve always said that we’re incredibly lucky or blessed. Which ever way you want to term it. Regardless of how difficult our NICU months and the two years that followed have been. Regardless of how stressful it was teaching Erin to eat, I’ll never be able to forget that despite that time we still have our girl and that we’re waiting with bated breathe in anticipation of our second, hoping to be so lucky this time around too.