You and I both know it, there’s a lot of pressure on parents–from where I sit, more so on mums. Though dads are free to disagree there seems to a higher expectation of mums to be…perfect while dads are free to do their level best. These expectations may vary depending on what circles you run in. They may even conflict!

You must breastfeed for at least six months if for some legitimate reason you can’t make it all the way to two years or beyond. Should you choose to bottle feed you will be judged and your decision will be given a rating out of ten by other women who will decide if you had the right to do so. On the flip side, if you choose to breastfeed you may find yourself being told how much easier it is to bottle feed.

Sleep while your baby sleeps because the dishes will still be there when you wake up, but make sure the kitchen’s clean and the dinner is cooked by the time your husband gets home because that’s your job.

This one is particularly close to my heart–if you have a clingy baby don’t dare put them down because a screaming baby is a sure sign of a failing mother. While I’m at it you will have perfect angel children who would never dare throw a tantrum in public. Should their halo slip you will know the exact right thing to do or say to keep it in hand. If you don’t, you run the risk of clicking tongues, shaking heads, judgmental looks and suggestions that you should a) smack them b) ignore them c) leave d) give in in order to defuse the situation.

Did I mention that, while you’re hands free breastfeeding your baby worn infant, feeding the older ones home made, organic meals and snacks you will also be keeping a perfect house. Oh, you probably should have a hobby like scrapbooking because you don’t want to run the risk that people might see your memories in one of those nasty commercial jobbies, you might also like to make all your kids clothes using lovely (read expensive) designer fabrics.

You will feel pressure to have perfect children who sleep through the night from an early age, they’ll make friends easily, do well in school and if they do put a foot out of line it’ll be something minor that you can laugh about with your girlfriends. Your perfect children and household will be a reflection on you, when they achieve it’s proof that you’re a good mother, if they don’t the reverse is also true.

The worst of it is that this pressure is at the hands of other mothers. Women who really should know better because even Bree Van de Kamp’s kids fell apart behind closed doors.

One of the things I’ve been looking forward to from the toddler years is the funny words and statements Erin would come up with. Here is a small collection of her more recent works:

Yesterday while having her bum changed I commented to Erin that she was getting too big to be wearing nappies, she replied by shrugging and saying “obviously not”.

Shortly after we brought Abi home I was changing her nappy and putting her into a flat nappy. Erin picked it up and asked what it was, I said it was a nappy and she replied “it’s not a nappy, it hasn’t got any tabs”. You know, like her disposables?

Erin: Guess what daddy?
Naughty Daddy: What?
Erin: I found it!
Naughty Daddy: What did you find sweetheart?
Erin: A poopy in my nappy!

Give me a laugh, add your kids funny moments to the comments!

If you believe the statistics, 1 in 5 babies have colic but, when you’re up in the middle of the night with your screaming, miserable baby, it feels like you’re the only one. At other times though it seems like everyone has had a baby who’s suffered with it.

So today I thought it might be interesting to run a little, informal poll to see how the stats add up to Bad Mummy readers.

Don’t forget to add your story to the comments!

Dear parents,
If your local shopping centre offers a play area for children please be aware that age restrictions may apply. For instance, the play area at the Westfields near us is designed for children aged 2 – 5 years, allowing your over excited 10 year old to run riot and in circles around toddlers while you enjoy a coffee and basically ignore your child’s dangerous play is not on.

When you allow your older child to play in an area not intended for them you should be aware that if your child hurts mine I will hunt you down. It will not be pretty. My child has the right to enjoy an under 5′s play area with other children of a similar age and I should be able to allow her to do so. I’m sorry that the centre doesn’t cater to older children, that’s neither my nor my child’s fault or problem.
Sincerely,
Bad Mummy

Today Miss Erin was bowled over a significantly too old child running around like a lunatic in Westfields under 5′s play area while another little girl was almost knocked down the slide by another too old child who didn’t bother to look before launching herself down it. Every time we visit Erin begs to be allowed to play and almost every time these too old, unsupervised children make me regret it.

What are parents thinking when they allow their older children to play in areas not designed for them? Why are the Westfield’s security guards not asking them to leave?

Ingredients
3 cups plain flour
1 cup warm water
7g yeast
1 tsp sugar
1/2 tsp salt (optional)*

Method

1. Add sugar and yeast to the water and give it a stir before setting it aside for about 15 minutes.
2. Once the 15 minutes is over add the yeast etc to the flour in a mixing bowl and mix together with a knife.
3. Add extra water OR flour if your mixture is too dry or too wet.
4. Turn the dough out onto the bench and knead until it’s stretchy and smooth.
5. Heat your oven to 200C.
6. Leave to rise for 20 minutes.
7. Press dough into a loaf tin or shape it on a baking tray.
8. Grease the top of your loaf with some oil.
9. Leave to rise for a further 20 minutes.
10. Bake in preheated oven for approx 30 minutes or cook (knock on the top of the loaf and listen for a hollow sound).
11. Leave to cool.

This is such a simple loaf to make, but the best thing about it is its versatility. You can turn this basic recipe into anything from a pizza dough to fruit toast.

* The salt is optional, but I do find the bread to be a little sweet with out it.

Dear Abi,
Your second month of life has been a trying one. You’ve contracted the dreaded colic and tried to kill your father and I by crying non-stop. If you’re not being held you’re crying–no, rocking you in the pram or swing will not do and a nice long walk will only help while we’re walking, so says many midnight laps of the neighbourhood.

Unfortunately, and very disappointingly for me, all this crying has meant very few decent (ie not taken with my phone) photos of you because, dude I totally only have two hands!

On the bright side, you’ve begun to do many things this month–a few things I hadn’t expected for a while yet. Firstly you’ve started to smile which is my favorite thing in the whole wide world, it even makes the frustration at not being able to do anything because of your need to be held a little easier to bear.

You’ve started holding your head up this month. It’s quite bizarre to see because you’re still tiny (4kg/8lbs 12oz) and you only have a spindly little neck, but oh so cute for all the same reasons.

Last week your daddy sat you up for the first time and seems you’ve got a taste for it. Not only do you have to be held 24/7 you’d also like a good portion of that time to be spent sitting instead of laying.

You’re big sister is definitely feeling the pinch of your neediness. Many-a-time, after she’s tried to kiss you or hold your hand and you’ve returned her affection by crying at the restriction, she’s been heard to say “she doesn’t like me”. “Of course she likes you!” I say in reply “she’s just…busy doing her own thing”. I think she’d really expected you to come out ready to run around in the back yard chasing the ball with her, she’ll be pleased in a few short months when you’re ready to crawl.

We’re headed off to the shops this morning in a last ditch effort to help you. We’re off to buy Infant Gaviscon in case the issue is reflux. I’m not entirely hopeful. In fact, a big part of me is hoping it does help because that means you haven’t been in pain these past few weeks, on the other hand, if it is reflux and the Gaviscon does help at least you’ll get some relief from whatever ails you and we’ll get a break from the crying.

Love,
Mama.

Colic has been the bane of my existence over the past couple of weeks–though it seems like longer. The wind pain and the screaming has, in a very literal sense, been driving me mad. To the point that I’ve doubted my parenting ability and really become concerned about my actual sanity. Things were especially bad in the middle of the night when I hated every single person in the world who was sleeping while I was walking laps around the neighbourhood knowing that the moment I stopped Abi would wake up and start crying again.

I don’t have any answers to colic, it seems that no one does. The following is a list of things that have helped us with either the symptoms or in the way we’ve coped.

• While Abi enjoyed the flavor, Brauer’s Colic relief did nothing to help with the actual symptoms or causes of her colic.
• Infant’s Friend provided some relief. After a dose, even though she’s continued to be clingy and still cried it was no where near as furious as it had been without it. Better still, I was able to put her down for very short periods (5 – 10 minutes).
• Infacol has been the biggest help. Before using Infacol burping Abi after a feed would take up to and over thirty minutes–often she wouldn’t burp at all. Since beginning to use it she burps fairly quickly after most feeds, sometimes without any help at all. It’s also helped turn her poo from a nasty green, spinachy looking affair to the regular colour of baby poo. Because of this she’s not farting as much and doesn’t have as much wind pain. This has meant that I’ve been able to calm her and lay her in her swing for a sleep which is seriously saving my sanity.
• Chiropractor – I’ll have to get back to you on this one.

There are a lot of over the counter remedies for colic. Not all of them work for all people but by an large most of them work for someone. Basically it’s trial and error which may, unfortunately, cost you but if you find something that works it may be worth it.

When things have been bad there are still one or two things that I’ve been able to do that have given us temporary relief.

• Babywearing – being attached to a baby all the time can be incredibly frustrating but at least using a carrier allows you to get up and do something even if that something is more difficult to get done.
• Outdoors – when she’s inconsolable for no reason a little trip outside often quietened her down for up to half an hour. She seems to enjoy watching the birds in the trees out the back at least as much as a walk, plus taking Abi outside also had the added benefit of allowing me to peg out washing or play a quick game of soccer with Erin who’s seriously missing the attention she used to get.
• Nappy off time – this is something we do almost every afternoon at around 3. She’s quite keen to kick her little legs around sans nappy.
• One thing that I’ve really come to depend on during the long feeds or walks is my iphone. With it I can read news articles, other blogs, use Twitter, play games and watch TV or movies. I’m even writing this post on it right now.
• Edited to add Tonight in desperation I searched the itunes app store and found a white noise machine. Once I selected a sound that worked (heavy rain) not only did Abi stay quiet, but she quietened from crying and went to sleep! I have no guarantee that this will work long term or even ever again, but for now a quiet baby on just this one night is enough and I’ll keep my fingers crossed for more quietness.

Other than hearing my baby girl screaming from wind pain or because of nothing at all, the worst part colic has been my complete inability to get anything done. I came home from hospital feeling better and more motivated then I had in almost a year, but I was still unable to get off the lounge, at first because of the cesarean and then because Abi needed constant holding. My house is a pigsty, my eldest daughter seems to feel abandoned and I’m exhausted, but there’s nothing anyone can do about it. The above things has made life a little more bearable and, I hope, comfortable for Abi.

If your baby (and you) suffered from colic what, if anything, did you find to help?

If you’d like to breastfeed while laying down but can’t because your boobs disappear around the back somewhere when you try. Grab a towel and use it under your arm to help prop yourself up.

After eight long weeks of, at best, broken sleep I’ve got a list as long as your arm of stupid things I’ve done under the influence of exhaustion. Unfortunately I’ve forgotten most of them so below is a short list of things I’ve done today that really need to be chalked up to tiredness.

You know you’re tired when:

• You confuse the name of the Liberal party leader with Peter Rabbit (you know, Mr Rabbit).
• You leave the house in your ugly slippers for the second day in a row.
• You get into the shower (with the water running) while still clutching your towel.

What stupid things have you done while and/or because of lack of sleep?

She doesn’t sleep much at the moment. Not much during the day and certainly not much at night. For a while there I was averaging two hours sleep a night in one hour segments. The night I got four hours of unbroken sleep I woke up feeling like a new person, so much so that when I got up–at half past four–I cleaned the kitchen and baked bread.

It’s not just this that’s making me tired. Not only does she not sleep, any sleep she does get must be in my arms be that day or night, if she’s not being held she doesn’t sleep. Actually, if she’s not being held she screams.

The first two weeks were great. Granted, she didn’t sleep in her bassinet and she ate a lot, but at least I could pee by myself. Okay so that’s not true, allow me to rephrase: if I could escape Erin I could pee by myself. Showers are not dissimilar to coordinated military assaults. If I’d like to shower by myself that’s fine, but first I have to change and feed the baby and also rope someone in as a substitute mother for maybe ten minutes. I don’t remember the last time I washed my hair and I sure as hell haven’t had a spare moment to dye it so as a result I look about one hundred years old, which is fine because that’s about as old as I feel.

The worst of it is that, even though the GP (doctor) said they don’t just diagnose colic anymore, that’s essentially what she did. She listened to Abi’s symptoms, palpated her tummy, wrote us a script for Infacol and sent us on our way to wait out and undefined amount of time while going quietly insane.

Our port of last hope comes tomorrow afternoon. We have an appointment with a chiropractor. Wish us luck.